Wonderful+Writing

Read some of our wonderful writing....

We have been learning to write a great opening paragraph or sentence to captivate our readers attention. Here is what some of the children wrote:

When I burped, the whole house shook like mad. Brayden. P

// I kicked a ball and it went all the way to Mars! Jet //

"Ahhhhh!" The scream cut through the motionless, thick air. I stared through the misty, tropical jungle but could still see nothing. I was sure I would die within the next 10 minutes. Alex. C

We have been learning to use metaphors and similes. Brayden. Y and Hagavave wrote:

//A beast with eyes that shine like a start at night time // //Fur like the blackness in the sky // //The teeth as sharp as knives // //He slips away like a waterfall. //

We have been learning to write GREAT introductions. We want to engage the reader and encourage them to read more. Here is what some children wrote; SMASH! Something hit the ground. My heart was beating like mad then I heard some screaming. I didn't know what was happening. Suddenly, there was an EXPLOSION! I ran out of my house to escape. Then I saw him......Mr Scary had returned. He said "I will get you Ryan if it's the last thing I do..." Ryan "Casside, Casside," I called. While the sun beat hard down on us, me and my best friend Casside called for each other. The tears streamed down our faces, they were tears of sadness inside. Where was she? Shayla "Aaahhh! Where am I?" I asked. "On your way to Canada," replied the pirate. Nikhil



** JOURNEY TO NEW ZEALAND ** I felt like leaving England because of all the horrible jobs in England and the air we breathe in. Me and Miss Elliott asked ourselves you can not breath in, all you can smell is smoke, it’s very bad. “Wake up, wake up.” Miss Elliott frightened me from sweet dreams. Me and Miss Elliott were curious about what was happening. “The boat, the boat” I shouted. ‘Get ready, get ready” Miss Elliott felt excited about it. I cannot wait so we went on the boat, there was a man standing there, Captain Cook. “Welcome on board ladies.” Over the night it was time for us to sleep. ‘BANG’ the storm got harder and harder. The storm frightened me. Miss Elliott was shouting, “Ah ha” wake up Miss Elliott as her tears came down like the drip of the rain. We could hear “CRASH” the waves getting harder. The window was open, the wind blew. “Miss Elliott, help, help Miss Elliott” shouted to me, but the wind blew harder and harder and blew Miss Elliott away. But Miss Elliott was holding on the boat. I pulled as hard as a strong hand and finally I got her. We closed the window and we slept until the morning. Finally we arrived at New Zealand and the air of New Zealand was fresh. Wow, the journey was horrible but we lived happily ever after. By Baniko



** The Only Pie Left **

Long, long, ago in a world with one pie remaining Cool Dude is watching TV with the pie (Cool Dude is the guardian of the pie.) At about 6.30 Cool Dude is watching his favourite program when it is interrupted by a-breaking news. “Oh Shot, what now?” Cool Dude shouted as the news team said “Breaking news. Bad Dude the most- worst villain in the world has broken out of prison and was last seen travelling south towards the tri state area” Cool Dudes mouth dropped to the ground he knew his brother was coming for him…. All week long all the news teams like 3 news, Campbell live, 1 news at 6, E news, Close up and all the other news teams. All-of that week Cool Dude kept a close eye on the pie because he knew that Bad Dude was after the pie. So that week Cool Dude spent his time in his garage making traps and steel doors and even a table for the pie. Once he was finished he put the pie on the set traps and locked the steel doors and then went back into his home. “I might check on that pie every ten minutes” he whispered to himself as he reached the door. The next day when Cool Dude was in his bedroom he heard a continuous rattling noise outside. As Cool Dude reached the window the noise stopped. “Hmmm” he hummed and then poked his head out the window and shouted “I know your there bad dude.” Later that day, when Cool Dude was checking on the pie, Cool Dude saw the tip of a cap at the garage door. “That cap looks like bad dude’s cap” he whispered to himself as he tiptoed towards it. When he was so close to the cap his nose was touching it. Then he looked around the corner and realised that it was just his spare cap on a stick. Two days later when Cool Dude was watching TV he heard a clIck-clader “that must be the traps in the garage I must go and investigate “Cool Dude said as he rushed to the garage door. When Cool dude got to the garage door it was already smashed open “Holly Smokes, the door has been blown open by dynamite” Cool Dude shouted as his bottom lip crashed to the ground. When Cool Dude got to the first trap it was blown up by T and T. When Cool Dude looked up he could see a very large man with a cap and a little midget with a large Mexican hat. “That must be Bad Dude and his goon Bad Dude #2, it looks like Bad Dude #2 has upgraded Bade Dude” Cool Dude said in a very, very slow voice “I must go and defeat them once again and throw them in prison” Cool Dude said quickly as he sprinted towards the two of them. When Cool Dude got to Bad Dude and Bad Dude #2 they were two trap doors away from getting the pie. “Go away or prepare to die!” Bad Dude shouted as Cool Dude got to them. “What if I don’t want to die?” Cool Dude said “Well go away” Bad Dude said in a very deep voice “No!” Cool Dude screamed. “OK let’s fight” Bad Dude said in his deep voice “OK” Cool Dude said quickly. So then for ten minutes Cool Dude and Bad Dude fort over the pie. After a while then and stared into the blinding sky they saw a flying saucer. The flying saucer landed right in front of them. [The T and T made a hole in the roof of the garage.] When the sauce landed the alien from inside of the saucer came out and gave Bad-dude an alien potato-top pie. And then got back in the flying saucer and left the planet. Vincent



Dad checked the tides on the TV and it was perfect weather to go fishing at my favourite spot Kawa Kawa bay. I said to dad “Boat He said check I said “petrol “life jackets lunch” check and check said dad. He said “check” “Fishing rods?””. Dad said” now that’s one thing I don’t have”. So dad got all the fishing rods into the boat and we were ready to go. It took one hour to drive to the bay. We had to stop at Clevedon to get bait and our burley bomb. After launching the boat with our life jackets on we headed to Orere Point. Dad was going so fast I flew off the back of the boat, instantly into the freezing water. It took my breath away and dad kept going until he heard Bianca scream “Dad Dad! Amberlee fell off!” “Crabbie Patties” dad yelled. Dad turned the boat around. As he did he saw a shark fin swimming quickly towards me. Dad flicked the boat into supersonic mode and reached me just as the shark’s mouth was opening. Dad got me up the side of the boat just in the nick of time. We carried on driving and the shark followed behind us. He was so fast his nose hit the propella and it chopped it off. He swam off to no nose shark land. In the distance there was a flock of birds working. We headed towards them we knew there was a school of kawahai somewhere around. We saw the boil up. Dad stopped the boat and quickly for our rods out. I caught a huge Kowahai it was as big as a dog not a chauawa a Labrador. I told dad that we should put the Labrador sized Kowahai back so it could be with all of its friends. Dad said “lets keep it” but I said “no” because it needs to make more fishes so we can fish for the future. ‘It’s time for lunch” said mum so dad drove the boat over to the island. I jumped off the boat into the water and swam to land then my togs got caught on a rack they ripped down the side leaving a small hole for a fish to swim through. It tickled my tummy I pulled it out and said “Dad” I’ve got lunch. We put it between two slices of bread. I dared dad to eat it the tail was still flapping around. He took a bite and the tail stopped flapping. We where heading home and stopped at one more place. I caught a huge snapper then a dolphin jumped over the boat and gave me a high five with its fin. We packed up and headed back home. I was cold but excited because we got a 10 scupe ice cream then I got a huge brain freeze. I had an awesome day apart from falling off the boat.

By Amberlee Shadbolt